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I was watching the movie 'Million Dollar Baby' last night, and I thought of a great new career. And, no, it wasn't 'female boxer' or 'neck surgery specialist'.
I hit the info button on my remote because I'm a psycho...and, if there are buttons in front of me, I can't go more than 15 seconds without pressing one.
The info on the movie 'Million Dollar Baby' read like this:
"A hardened manager works with a determined woman in her attempt to establish herself as a boxer."
That really doesn't do this movie justice. And, quite frankly, if I had read that without knowing anything about the movie, I wouldn't bother to watch it. Sorry about using the phrase 'quite frankly'. Apparently, I'm a d-bag.
Anyway, someone needs to write better movie info descriptions and I'm the man for the job. I would single-handedly boost ratings by 300%. I would get anyone to watch any movie. If I was in charge, when you hit the info button during 'Million Dollar Baby', if would say this:
"Clint Eastwood buys Hillary Swank a robe and then kills her."
Who the hell isn't watching that movie???!!! And it's completely factual. It just doesn't tell the entire story. I could do this for any movie.
Rocky
"Mildly retarded boxer takes Adrian’s virginity."
It's a Wonderful Life
"Jimmy Stewart contemplates jumping off a bridge."
Lake Placid
"Betty White uses the 'F' word."
Other descriptions for these movies would be a waste of time. What would make you want to see the movie ‘Platoon’?
“US Army soldier, Private Chris Taylor (Charlie Sheen), arrives in South Vietnam with several other replacements and is assigned to the 25th Infantry Division.”
or
“A guy stabs himself in the leg so he can get on a helicopter.”
The choice is yours.
The only bad part about this discovery is, I can’t stop writing movie info bullets. (I’m calling them ‘bullets’ now)
Entrapment
“Catherine Zeta Jones crawling around in tight pants for a scene.”
Glory
“Mathew Broderick tries to grow a beard.”
Big
“Tom Hanks watches the Broncos/Giants Superbowl without commercials.”
Hoosiers
“Gene Hackman and Barbara Hershey pull off the most uncomfortable kiss in cinema history.”
Rounders
“John Malcovich eats Oreo’s without milk…or any other beverage.”
Feel free to add some of your own. I have the feeling I’ll be checking back later to do more.
greg@wgr550.com |
